Filipino-British actor Edward Barber on why he joined PBB: 'I was insecure'

Filipino-British actor  Edward Barber talked about the pressure, anxiety, and emotional struggles he experienced during his years in show business.

In Toni Gonzaga’s “Toni Talks,” 25-year-old Edward discussed the significant challenges he faced while trying to maintain his public image while privately struggling with anxiety and burnout.

Edward's journey in the entertainment industry began when he was 16 years old  after he finished as the fourth big placer on “Pinoy Big Brother.”

Reflecting on those early years, Edward noted that despite achieving a great deal in just four years, he often felt more drained than fulfilled.

People would congratulate him on new projects but these same opportunities have been triggering anxiety attacks for him.

“Hindi nila alam, nagkaka-anxiety attack ako dahil sa project na iyon. It was a very weird time.”

He noticed himself becoming more avoidant, emotionally exhausted, and at times turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms just to get through it.

One of his biggest triggers was the sound of Messenger or Viber notifications. For him, every alert meant “a new message” from his manager and another responsibility he had to deal with. 

Even though he remained grateful for the opportunities, he admitted he no longer understood why he was doing everything. 

To cope with the pressure, he felt he had to keep “putting on different things” to become the person people expected him to be, until eventually “the facade” started to break.

When asked about his fears during that time, he admitted he was constantly searching for approval and acceptance. He wanted to prove himself and avoid looking like “an idiot” in front of other people. 

He also opened up that among his batchmates from PBB, he was the only one who never dreamed of entering showbiz.

He explained that he joined the reality show mainly because of “insecurity.” His older sister was academically smart and had entered a prestigious university, while he saw himself as only an “average student.”

According to Edward, since European universities often value personal stories and experiences in applications, he thought joining PBB would at least give him something meaningful to write about in his essays and CV. More than fame, he simply wanted to prove to his family that he was capable of trying something difficult.

Edward admitted he never fully considered the emotional “cost” of joining the show. Once he entered, that’s when reality hit him.

“Three months kami sa loob ng Bahay ni Kuya. And then after that, I was like, can I go home?” but projects immediately started piling up. Everything moved so quickly that at one point he told his mother he felt like his entire life had become a blur. From then on, he simply followed whatever people in the industry asked him to do.

As the years went by, he realized he felt deeply alone despite constantly being surrounded by people.  “I didn't have people that I could call super close friends na alam nila iyong pinagdadanan ko at iyong ginagawa ko sa sarili ko,” he said.

He eventually became drawn to acting workshops because they were one of the few spaces where he felt safe enough to cry. In a way, they became his form of therapy.

-Paraluman News